Lately I have been so busy I barely have time for myself. No
one told me it was going to be like this. It’s Friday and I’m thinking that am
glad the week is over and faster than you know it its Monday again and the
world expects too much from you…all this rushing is taking a toll on me.
Juggling between accessory designing, managing a nascent
burgeoning blog and school is harder than I vouched for. Now I’m taking a course
which finds it convenient to refer to ‘time’ in a term like ‘intertemporal optimization’
and I’m like ‘hey cut me some slack, why all the jargon??’Frankly I thought
that I should be having my rock band and we should be through with our debut
album by now and we should be the name on everyone’s lips, if not because of or
f t.d.f (to die for) skills on the strings at least our name should cause a
tidal wave of some sort…
By now we should be tasting stardom, building our name for
ourselves despite rumors of illuminati nonsense. Coz with fame comes a lot of
whispers. Not so long ago I believed my purpose in life was to sing along a
very energetic band,cause ripples about our hairstyles and our brand of
music. I didn’t envision being in a library trying to read for a mini –exam
listening to music thinking how my imaginary band would do a endless covers of
my playlist and how we would totally kick ass.
Right about now I should be smelling of musky designer
cologne sipping those drinks that come in long glasses and twisted coloured straws and a cherry or an
little umbrellas on the top. What are those
umbrellas anyway????
That was what I thought I would be but life has a way of
going contrary to what you planned,life has its own humour…you think you can
pioneer your own path in this labyrinth until you find thorns on the way and
almost turn back.this is a maze..To say the least I have no regrets for the
lady I have become.im thinking if I had everything cut out for me it would be
like taking a test I already have the answers to,it would be like sailing
through a tideless ocean. The mistakes I make don’t define me but they do make
me stronger,they make me better..Dont ever beat yourself up for making a
mistake. Its human……..
So even though I don’t have my band by now,I still sing in
the shower and I sing along to probably any song that comes on Xfm,(do I sing
along or do I try to outsing ) coz I don’t like how my vocal cords feel after
that.the feeling reminds me of heydays and nightouts and vodka and waking up
with a parched sore throats,I mean did I shout that much the whole night?
Anyways I have come to figure out that the world does not
owe me a living, I am the reason for being where I am. After I chickened out
from singing on stage. Calling it stage fright brands me mediocre an d we all
know mediocrity is fatal.. So all these people were looking at me .others were looking through me,others were looking at
my sneakers ,my hair,my jeans ,my posture, my poise(which clearly wasn’t
there)….Long story short, being on the stage made me feel like people were
trying to look through me,figuring me out and that scared me, it made my throat
knot..
I tried spoken word and lets say I ended up making up lines
because I couldn’t access what I had
rehearsed .By ‘access’ I mean ‘remember’…
So I settled on blogging .so far so good….Im still new to
this but learnin the ropes wont be that hard.I just realized im late for an
event meeting,I have two exams on Friday,I have to call my mother,check up on a
friend who was in hospital, a term paper and a report to submit in a week, an
interview to prepare for and that’s not the half of it…. We cant give up even
when there are a million things,somehow things always work out… First things
first…lovely week readers
Yours in Truth
Jean Zoe
